The Idiot and The Backstabber

Later on the “boundaries” post we discussed that the thin red line can be very thin that you might stamp on it accidently or intentionally. If you crossed it accidently then you might be given a second chance for redemption, but if you intentionally crossed it, then you might be in a serious problem.

And I’m not talking about green-zoners here, but I’m referring to a person who’s literally living on the edge between yellow and red, who knows no boundaries, who’s been constantly yelled at by the screaming faces of the “STOP” signs.

Because when you know there’s a red line and you stand near it that’s one thing, but to just jump across it, crossing all boundaries there’s then you must be either rude or simply an idiot.

When something so trivial like a stupid trip plans go wrong, that’s an easy thing to be fixed, but when it turns into something else like coming to one’s home and yell at him and start calling his parents names and then take it on that person, hitting, yelling and cursing him for absolutely no reason, that must be some kind of insanity.

And when you start acting weird and treats me like your wife or some sort of a girl friend or something odd, weird or bizarre like that, then you should really get some help.

Someone will ask me is that relevant?is that crossing a red line?and I’d tell them yes, sure thing. Even between friends there’s always boundaries that preserves each others’ dignity and personality.

And to think that I could consider you a friend that’s a thing I once cherished, but to be threatened on your behalf by a stranger is the utmost humiliation I ever got, because if you were not a man to stand up and face me then you must be  a backstabber for betraying my trust.

I got sick of your dirty twisted methods and your sick stupid games and I had to put an end for you, but once again you took it on the wrong side, and your stupid mind gave you the wrong impression.

And when I come to think I was the idiot for letting you treat me like this and not to put an end for you in a while and you to be the backstabber for betraying me and my trust and forget my good deeds for you, it turned out that you are the idiot and the backstabber and you should know that no matter what you do, you’re gone beyond repair and it’s not my fault that God’s punishing you, and  I don’t really care what will happen to you next and I won’t get a penny for your redemption or your atonement, I just need you to get lost and get the message I’ve been trying to send you for two years now: “stop chasing me you idiot and start to get a grasp of your life”.

Because life certainly doesn’t revolve around me and it certainly doesn’t also revolve about you.

Boundaries, aka, “THE THIN RED LINE”

Everything in the world has limits and boundaries that defines it, even if this boundaries are not visible like borderlines but you know exactly it exists but you can’t see it, like air, you can’t see it, but it’s there.

And when it comes to relationships, in any forms and any types, there always boundaries and limits that depend on the nature of this relation.

In fact I might add there’re three main regions of interest within any relationship, which are:

 

 

1- The Green Zone

The green zone is a very vast area where all relationships lie within, you could move freely through this area where everything is safe, even your joking and kidding with your friends.

But this area could be rather specific than general and it can be applied only for social and intimate relationships where boundaries are a bit loose, and it’s safe for you to express yourself within limits.

2- The yellow signs of caution!

Sounds vague? allow me to explain.

This region is also rather specific and only restricted to highly professional relationships which requires a high degree of seriousness, which is-lucky for us-is a temporary state which ends when the situation itself end.

But beware, the border between green and yellow means things are getting serious, and it’s a no joking matter and you ought to be careful during your handling things, and for green zoners it means you’re over-joking and you got to be careful.

3- The Thin Red Line

Now you know that the line between genuineness and craziness is a hairline, but the space between the yellow and red in relationships is thinner than you think. It’s very thin you might just stump on it without knowing.

The Thin Red Line concerns very personal stuff and things and areas of discussion you shouldn’t go to without invitation or shouldn’t even approach them.

Once you step on that line there’s no turning back am afraid, because you had your chance when the ultimatum was given to you, like when you’re driving the car you see the yellow light you take it slow so you can stop, but if you just ignored it and broken through the red light you might crash and burn as well.

What’s on a cat’s mind?

When I look at my cat when’s she’s standing on the edge of the window watching the world from above, I can’t help but smiling and I go to tap on her head and see the sparkle of her blue eyes and a question pops into my head, what’s really on her mind? what does she think about when she’s watching the world from her own window?

But I guess I won’t know unless I’m a cat, and that’s maybe, what’s on a cat’s mind is on a cat’s mind!!!

Old Writings: #4-My Dark Times

So much for me…I can’t take it anymore

So much to bear and withstand

Hear me crying out loud

See me dying and yet so proud

Was my blood is the price ?

Or you just wanted my demise?

Eyes are going to be dried on me

Was he killed by a friend or an enemy?

See me living in the shadows of grieve  and sorrow

Can’t tell if it’s today or is it tomorrow?

For me it’s the same…can’t find anyone to blame

For some reason I can’t explain…why should I let go of this pain?

Wondering when it’s all going to be over…waiting for the dawn of a new life

Life to be lived not to be survived

Was afraid to become a history…living in a life of such misery

I sat there dying in a dark cave…will you come to rescue me or my soul isn’t worthy to be saved?

Watching me tortured in your eternal hell, what have I done to you? or is that your only will?

Once upon a time I was told…life’s for living

So I stand here to behold, the birth of a new sun, a sun that shatter the skies of darkness in my life

I fell asleep, only to see a dream

Left out in the cold, where I just sat there and freeze

Forever I was dying to breathe…the gentle breeze of air

Smell the fresh scent mother nature…sitting in the gardens of glories…listening to her as she tells me her never ending stories

Telling me about her ice queen, in a fairy tale I’ve never seen

Asking me if I know her great Aquarius…a great creature which isn’t funny or hilarious

Dared me to run on that road so I dared her to run up that hill

Then we came to our farewell

Watching as my enemies wishing me to be drowned

But I shall not care about them and I shall stand my ground

But when I woke up from my dream, I felt I was not that brave

Yet I was still dying in the dark cave…watching my spirit ascends through the skies

Hearing the voices of Angels crying on my demise

Hear them asking and wonder….why such a poor soul had to suffer, was you help a hard thing to offer?

Hearing you crying, while I am already gone

And it’s too late when I was dying for help and I had to wait

To set me free from my doomed fate

For me it was so much to bear and withstand…suffering in your hell but you didn’t understand

Falling Angels came to take my hands…taking my soul to its salvation, where peace is finally found

To Rest In Peace in the beautiful heavens

Where my story is about to be finished

And now I’, sitting in paradise, thanking God that all my pain is now vanished

What’s Up Doc.?

Bugs Bunny is definitely the most wise cartoon character and with a style.

And the reason behind his wisdom is maybe, his carrot that he carries with him all the time. But what I can’t forget about him is his famous catch phrase that makes me laugh every time I hear it even without a reason !!!

Old Writings: #2–LOYALTY

Dated Somewhere in the Early 2000’s

“For mother Russia, for home country, for the union, our life for Yuri, Yuri is master, we build for Yuri”

Words&words&words….

Perhaps you haven’t heard them in a real life situation before but I have heard them somewhere else.

Those were examples for loyalty for country and for leadership, those were said by some imaginary people from some videogame, maybe I’m a little mad about this game but the truth is I adore i.

Loyalty is a very good character in human beings, but not all human beings are so loyal to their homeland , because spies who work with foreign enemies during war state aren’t loyal at all for their motherland.

Now you will go ahead and just call me a madman, well go ahead and tell me you weren’t obsessed with videogames when you were a teen.

For me videogames weren’t totally fiction to me, it was somehow an equivalent or a parallel world to the real world, they both co-exist and they inspire each other mutually, for me I sometimes learnt some tips and tricks from them and sometimes they carry a hidden message or a lesson to be learnt, and that’s the beauty of it.

Ahmad Khalifa

Old Writings: #1-Learning

Dated Somewhere in the Early 2000’s

 

 

“there’s so much to learn, but there’s no much time for that!”

When you want to learn you must have spare time for that, learning isn’t in schools or universities only but it’s also around you!

You can learn & discover things by yourself! got it!?

Our spare time had collapsed to only three months or less than that, and almost all of it is rapidly gone!

So you will be sorry for such time had gone from your life without learning things that you love.

Now I ask myself, why I was so eager back then to learn? not that learning is a bad thing or something but it’s the favorite item on a typical teenage mind! isn’t it?

But let’s face it, you can’t get far in life without proper education, and there’s no such thing as “Street Experience” or anything of the sort.

Ahmad Khalifa

Old Writings: #3 -WAR

Dated Somewhere in the Early 2000’s

“WE’VE BEEN ATTACKED!!!!”

Words said by terrified troops in war!

War is a very danger thing for people, but for me it’s just an interesting thing.

War requires money, lots of money, billions and billions of money, troops, equipment and weapons,arsenals, ammunition and spies!

“what happened?” asked a panicked civilian, “it’s war” said another civilian.

The worse side effect of war is spreading panic, terror, and horrors between civilians , and due to all these factors make many problems for nearby countries, they have to allow migrating people to enter their countries as migrants, but for the bad luck of those people, there are many laws in countries which limit the number of migrants which shouldn’t exceed half a million migrants”

Now how the hell did I know that migrants shouldn’t exceed half a million people in any given country?

Well it doesn’t matter, I have seen enough wars so far and I really get what dose it feel like to be frightened in your own home, not that I’ve been through this myself, but let’s say I went through an equivalent experience, long time ago, but you know as they always say “what does not kill you makes you stronger”.

Ahmad Khalifa

IN THE MEMORY OF THE FALLEN ONES: I- THE FALL OF UNCLE SHERIF

CODE NAME: THE BLACK SUNDAY, OCTOBER 30th, 2005

It was a typical Sunday Ramadan night, nothing fancy, people in mosques praying “El Taraweh” prayers, but for people like me who were in G.S.C.E it was another night of doing homework and studying, it was the beginning of the final stage of G.S.C.E, other people know it as senior high school.

My mom’s mom was spending the day with us, as I recall there were some problems with my late grandpa so she won’t stand staying at home with him!!! what a shame.

In any case she was waiting for my parents to come back so they can take her home, and I don’t recall where did my brother and sister gone too!! that’s how I ended up home alone, doing my homework.

Few minutes later my phone rang, I looked up and I saw my uncle’s name on the caller ID, I was thrilled because Ramadan was about to end and he was supposed to come back to Cairo to spend the small feast with us, as I recall he was transferred to Alexandria’s branch of Otis Elevators and Escalators about six months ago, and he took his mother with him so she won’t be left alone.

I answered the phone so excitedly and I said hi uncle how are you, but it wasn’t my uncle who was on the other end of the phone, it was another man!!!

And so began my longest and most terrifying moments in my whole life, and there’s how it went.

The man asked me if I was Ahmad Khalifa, and I said yes I’m him, and he told me that he’s a neighbor of my uncle, and I said aha, and then he said that my uncle was very sick and my dad needs to come check on him or call him as soon as he gets back, and I said ok, and that was the first phone call that shock my foundations a bit.

I went on trying to find where the hell my parents were, because it’s so serious and they should be home a long time ago, only to find they both left their cell phones at home, I got so angry and furious, my uncle could be seriously ill and they were supposed to drop my grandma and come back, simple as that.

I tried also to call my grandma’s house only to find no one there even my grandpa wasn’t there too!!!

My heart started to beat up a bit, I wasn’t sure what else I could do, I just couldn’t do anything and I felt so helpless and I kept trying to find my parents but in vain, I lost track of time and those minutes or hours I don’t know how much time passed, felt like years.

I got another call telling me that my uncle is really ill and they called the ambulance for him and they are trying their best till the ambulance gets there, that call blew me another hit in the face, my heart started to race, my knees began to weaken, it’s so typically me, when I’m cornered like a scared little rat, but that’s who I’m and that’s how I was made of, I can’t just change that.

Few minutes passed and still there’s no good news, and my parents aren’t home yet, I was going through a panic attack, I tried to seek help, someone should be with me during this dark and mysterious moments, so I left my apartment door opened and I ran upstairs to our good old neighbors, and I asked if uncle Khalid Beshr “R.I.P” was there and lucky me he was, I gave him the phone and I made him dial the last number who called me, perhaps he could get a grasp of what’s going on.

He told me that they found him barely breathing, leaning to a wall in the bathroom and they moved him to his bedroom trying to revive him in any way they can till the ambulance gets there.

So I took the cell phone I went back home, started to feel more worry than ever, I was about to crash, I couldn’t handle this kind of pressure by myself, it’s just so hard on me

10 minutes later I got a call from my uncle’s neighbor but this time it was his wife, she wanted to talk to my parents ASAP, but they weren’t there yet, damn it to hell, how could they leave me like this!!!, as I was going to crash I took the final blow that made me collapse, “Ahmad, Ahmad, Ahmad, Ahmad…..listen” “yeah!!” “your uncle is dead, I’m sorry son, tell your father to get her ASAP”

That’s it!!!!!!! my uncle’s gone???, just like that!!??

Few seconds after this devastating call I took a chair and I finally let go of my tears…couple of minutes later my parents arrived, I couldn’t find any other delicate way to just tell them the bad news except I just told my dad, “dad, uncle Sherif’s dead………”

And that was the first time in my life to lose something or someone who was so close and dear to me…it was a horrible time and it’s still, and I live on his memory everyday, and I hope he’s resting in the heavens, for he was a truly good man, kind-hearted with all people even with people who was so rude with him, and for his long service to his mom, may her soul RIP too, and his loving for his family as he was the true connection that always brings the family together and around, but now we are only as dismantled family as a wrecked ship, and may we come one again.

Already Gone

if you want to know how much you mean to people, they actually have to almost lose you one way or another.
And if they don’t they might still take you for granted, or maybe you mean the world to them but you don’t know that.
And the worse of them all if they did lose you and you will never know how much they cared about you, because you will be already gone!!